I'm FeEling It Aga!n

this is happening again...
history repeating itself, one thing that i'm afraid of is it comes out worst then before.
i'm afraid this will get me over emotional and will end up worst then last time.
the past shall haunt me over and over again.
this i hate it the most.
i hate the feeling of getting into a deep shit.
if getting into a deep shit but somehow can find the way to clean the shit is not the problem the only problem is i'm afraid that, that shit cant be cleared 100%.
haiz...sad,depression,stress and all the emotions are running and playing games in my heart.
i think my heart doesnt even know how to handle this.
i just feel that this will end up worst then before.
maybe it will end up in a good way or the bad way.
the feeling i which cant control is sadness and depression and it is taking over my whole body and corrupt my mind sooner or later.
how wish there is an angel here to help me out....
how wish there is someone which i can trust 100%...

My Lif3

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" Steam dilled turban of fish accompany with leek & tomato confit perfected with saute herb new potato"

well well....
what can i blog about my life...
well...
recently there's new chef came into my college and he sucked like hell...
let me tell you guys why he's like this...
the reason is...
as a lecturer he fails because although his real life as a executive chef{very high ranking} doesn't mean that he can be a good lecturer...
but some how he manage to enter my college and teach us...
which i strongly agree that he fails as a lecturer...
when we enter kitchen he supposed to guide us and teach us the do's and don'ts...
but he was opposite of that...
he rushed us and expect us to know everything {my batch is a junior batch in the legend cafe}...
we are so stunt on that day and just let him shoot us...
well all of us are badly wounded because of him...
felt like chopping him and stuff him inside the oven...
we couldnt even do our platting{which is very important for us}
because he took away all of our jobs in the kitchen...
we would really want to help out with the platting for our own knowledge but he just grab everything from our hands and continue with his scolding...
i were damn bloody pissed...
i really want my old lecturer back...
i cant learn much with this bloody ass hole...
he think that my batch is like the senior batch{smoking batch}
but actually we are just the opposite...
my batch does not smoke and none of them does...
its like not making any sense..
and when we try telling him the truth he will shout "stop telling me lies/reasons"
he always think that we are all the same character but actually we are not...
our seniors is 1 type... my batch is the 2nd type...
how can he just jumble up both together...
we have good comments from the previous chef that we have great teamwork...
but for the new chef is like having a negative thinking about us since the 1st time he saw us...
its really a nightmare, well the difference is nightmare is not true and we are in a reality world...
but in the end we had nice food which all sold out including our demo pieces... we had nothing left to serve on that day...
and we had nothing to eat as well...
badly injured on the inside...on that day.

great food and nice taste trust me...

^.^v

Mocha Mousse Imperial>>>>>>>>>>>>

~Emo!ng!!!!

This days I feel like I am just a no body to anyone...
i keep asking myself who am I?
but there's always no answer to that question which always stikes in my mind...
I keep wondering how am i going to solve this big question inside my head which won't disappear...???
its really weird to have this in my mind...
I often feel this feelings when im always with my friends...
im not sure wether they are my true friends or not...
well for now i take them as my real friends that is...
sooner or later the content of the book will review itself{i guess so}
why do i feel like a no body even though im with my family...?
isnt this just too much?
well i dont really know whats happening to me but some how i feel really angry at times even though no one is in the wrong...
i cant really control myself now a days...
when i feel i want to burst out in flames i just go ahead not like the last time i used to control my anger and frustration...
but now its like a different me inside me, its like i dont feel the same...
this couldnt be PMS...
well im only 19 years old though...
this is seriously getting out of control and i dont like it when im out of control...
some how i felt like i should just dissapear from the world...
its not like anybody shall notice me missing right???
im just a no body neways...
a nobody that shall never be remembered by anyone,anywho or anywhere on earth...
im so lost right now...
1st is the feeling of being left out then comes along with the feeling of 'im just a nobody' then comes along with th anger feeling {just felt like killing anyone who bothers me even though friends and family} later on comes with the 'i should dissapear for everyone's good sake'....
those all this makes any sences???
those all this combined and make up a story line which i should follow???
those all this feelings are telling me that i should do something???
those all this feelings meant anything to me or to this whole entire universe???
now im really confusing myself...
but i cant ignore it...
what if it gets worst or something negative to what i do in real life...???
well this is only a feeling...havent done it in real life yet right...???
well hopefully my rage will not burst out of me...
somehow i just need to be known by some one...
some one who knows how i feel and could help me...
now...i feel that all of my fellow friends had distant away from me...
thats how i feel...
and im feeling really lonely...
my family...is not considered a family{it has already broken up since when i was born}
well...hopefully it brakes up is not because of me...
if it was me...maybe im the one who is at fault and i, myself cant accept this and maybe i shouldnt even exist in this world...
well a family...if one's not happy the whole family tumbles down...this is what i understand of the word family which is true...
because thats my family...
in the end its just me and my blog to keep me company...
well...
friends...family..who ever...what ever...
how wish there is some one or something that understands me and my feelings...